My long-term goals are still trying to find focus. But I know it involves bettering myself, and helping those around me. How I will make the steps from here to there, I’m not completely sure.
One problem I have realized with my long term goals, and with my life direction in the past few years, is that I have become vary narrowly focused. I was so desperate to use career to get out of my last job that I turned all my attention to health: run more, learn yoga, study nutrition, etc. Not that these are bad habits, but I have felt like a not-so-well-rounded person as of late. In trying to solidify goals of the future, I sat down and made a list of “what do I enjoy?” and “what am I good at?” hoping to find a cross-over somewhere.
Admittedly, I am a bit of a pessimist and perfectionist, so I probably was harder on my “what am I good at?” list than need be… but the truth remained: I wasn’t good at much because I didn’t do much!
As stated very early on in this online journal, I went to the gym, went to work, came home, cooked (or ordered out), cleaned, went to bed, and repeated this cycle. Weekend were spend doing similar activities: longer gym time or a longer run, catch up on cleaning, maybe reading or trying to study (too many things at once, so nothing stuck), and maybe vegging with the tv or a video game.
I know that I used to be able to do more: I played piano and percussion; I played soccer, volleyball, racquet ball, and stared tennis; I used to write poetry; I used to draw.
All of those are “used to’s.” The last time I played soccer, I thought I was going to have a heart attack within 5 minutes. When I played volleyball, my arms were burning and bruised within 15. Music? When I look a sheet music, I have to run through “Every Good Boy Does Fine” for almost each note!
What happened to that girl?? I became the dreamer who forgot how to dream.
Yes, it could come back, but I have to make the effort. I need to take the time to regrow.
I still feel a pull towards health: I love yoga, I love running, I want to help heal. But I need to be more than my career.
I need to take time to think about additional tasks I’d like to do; skills to learn; experiences to have. Inspirations to help me focus my health studies while adding in other areas of growth.
Live out Loud 🙂