Today I am using this blog as a stream of consciousness. I have a goal in my mind, and it seems big, crazy, ludicrous, and outlandish. And those are not my normal way of life. I was raised to enjoy dreams, and have fun with hobbies – but the life goal and job was a big factor. I was told I didn’t have to love my job, but enjoy it enough that it would pay the bills. The job was a “means to an end” so I would have the funds for the life I supposedly wanted – nice home, money for classes or events, good hubby…
And don’t get me wrong! I have a nice enough apartment, I enjoy my yoga classes and tool workshops, and I have the best hubby ever!
But that hasn’t fulfilled me.
I spend from 5:45am to 5:45pm dealing with work – whether it’s getting up and eating breakfast, driving and walking to the office, sitting there, or going back home at the end of the day. Twelve stinking hours!! And with 7 hours of sleep, that leaves a grand total of 5 hours per day for me and Hubs. If you want to include any “responsible” (ugg!) things like working out, doing laundry, making a healthy dinner instead of eating out… that really leaves very little time to enjoy myself.
I try to enjoy a good audio book during the commute, call family or friends during the walk to my office, sit out at lunch on a sunny day… but something is still unfulfilled! It’s like this gnawing thing in deep inside, saying “there’s something more out there for you – there’s something bigger for you two to go do!”
There are days I sit in my car, getting ready to walk to my office, and I just break down and cry. The thought of going in there for even one day crushes me.
So, I thought – if money weren’t an issue, what would I honestly want to do??
My immediate thoughts are “read and take a vacation!” Then I started thinking of other things I love: playing in the kitchen, being in nature, visiting new places and exploring new cultures, seeing a big ol’ smile from someone who you just helped in a genuine way…
Ok, so how can I bring all that together in a realistic way?
I would love to travel the globe, learning and teaching about health and nutrition.
So, my ginormous goal:
I will travel a Round The World (RTW) trip with my husband in 2012, promoting “Free Hugs,” volunteering and interning at holistic health centers and charity centers as we go – giving and receiving Love.
Of course, my mind immediately starts to throw out negativity: Who would hire me? How can we afford it? What dangers could happen in other countries? You’re insane – no one would support you. You’re too introverted, no charisma to make an impact.
I tell my mind to relax – those are some good points to consider, but not good enough to make me give up before exploring this goal!
Once I silenced those negative thoughts (though only temporarily – they always are creeping back!) my mind went on to thinking HOW this could work!
Maybe call it Project “HUG THE WORLD” or “HUGS AND HEALTH” Get a website going – with the plethora of social media out there, I can just see the spark igniting! People learning about various causes and getting involved. People learning non-mainstream health that, while not yet studied in America, have been providing treatment for centuries in other cultures. People getting excited to share themselves, share their passions, and make their own Living Journeys!
The biggest negative voice in my head these days is saying, “yeah, go ahead and enjoy this latest trend. You’re a ‘sprinter’ – you’ll get bored with this challenge soon enough and move on, yet another dream squandered.”
It is my desire that, by putting words to it here, even though I have not yet shared this journal publicly, that it will begin to come together and solidify. That the universe will begin to lead me, and let it come to be — or maybe just use the beginning of this new path as a way to reach a different goal, have a different experience, make a different impact. Maybe it won’t happen – but perhaps in searching out this mystery, I will find myself stepping in to a new world where I am supposed to be.
Dream Big 🙂