Getting My Head On Straight

“Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around”

–R.E.M, Stand

I have felt, for the past few years, that my feet were scrambling, trying to shoot out in seven directions at once… and I wound up moving nowhere.

I had interests all over the place, and I’d try to dabble in all of them.  But, like Bilbo from the Lord of the Rings, I began to “feel… thin. Sort of stretched, like… butter scraped over too much bread.”

I began to try to do too much at once – study a huge assortment of health topics; try to keep up on reading various blogs and newsletters; research places to visit; try to get involved in many activities and MeetUps… and I ended up feeling like I skimmed the surface of so much, but after a year, I still had no strong grasp on any one thing.

I needed a focus, and I needed a break.

I need to get away from a dead-end job that, with frightening regularity, caused me to break down crying in my office at least once a month, dreading the idea of opening my office door and starting the day.

Steve Jobs said in one of his speeches:

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

For almost the last 5 excruciating years, I have said “no” in the mornings.

It is time for a change.

It is time to stop trying to learn 3 languages at once, while studying 4 different types of gym philosophies, and trying to learn 5 different computer programs… all while also keeping up on random blogs and newsletters.  And of course, FaceBook.  It’s time to sit down, cut out distraction, and dig in to what I really do want to be doing.  Something that makes me wake up and shout to the world, “YES!! Yes!  I want to be doing THIS!  I want to be taking these steps, no matter what the outsiders say, no matter how unrealistic it may sound to the ‘responsible’ majority, I want to feel ALIVE!”

If it doesn’t happen, at least I won’t be looking back after another 5 painful years of the same job, saying I didn’t even try to make a change.

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